“Mr. President, it’s Senator McConnell on the phone.”

“OK. ‘Fox & Friends’ is on a commercial break, so I can talk. Put him through.”

“Mitch, what do I have to do to bail you out now?”

“That’s a good one, Mr. President. You are easily the funniest president I have known.”

“And strongest?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What can I do for you, Mitch. Make it quick because Steve Doocy has a hard-hitting interview coming up with Kellyanne I need to watch. (Chuckles.)”

“I need a word about Dean Heller.”

“Who?

“The senator from Nevada. You know the one you had to threaten with his Senate seat so he would vote right on health care?”

“Oh that one! Weak!”

“Well, we need him to win, Mr. President. He was with us on the Tax Cut Cut Cut bill, as you like to call it.”

“You should have called it that!”

“I agree, sir.”

“So what can I do to help the Nevada guy. Do you know I once helped Harry Reid? Had him over to the apartment, raised some money for him. That was a different Trump.”

“I like the new one better, Mr. President.”

“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I love the Stones, Mitch.”

“Um, yes, Mr. President. Anyhow, we need to hold Heller’s seat to make sure we have our majority to keep making America great again.”

“Is he in trouble?”

“Well, he is, unfortunately.”

“Why?”

“Well, and I know you of all people can’t relate to this, Mr. President, but he has taken a lot of different positions on issues. And even worse, he wasn’t also a big supporter of yours.”

“Oh, I remember. That’s why I lost Nevada.”

“Riiiight.”

“So I need to raise money? I don’t have to actually go to Nevada, do I?”

“No, sir. The problem is that Heller has a primary opponent who was backed by Steve Bannon. And Heller’s numbers are so soft, he could actually lose even though he has come around on you, as we all have.”

“Who is the primary opponent?”

“His name is Danny Tarkanian.”

“He’s Jerry’s kid. A Jerry’s kid! Get it, Mitch?”

“I’m afraid not, sir.”

“Nevermind. Those Tark teams in the ‘70s were so much fun. I made a lot of money betting the over on their games.”

“I’m sure. We need to get Tarkanian out of the race and filing closes this week. He’s a threat because of his name and he has been a big Trump supporter since the beginning.”

“He has? So let’s support him, Mitch?”

“We would except he can’t win a general election. He has run five times and lost.”

“Five times!”

“Well, he actually filed six times but one time he withdrew.”

“Sounds like a loser, Mitch. You know I don’t like losers.”

“He is. But he loves you and the base loves you and Heller’s flip-flops have hurt him. Turnout is going to be very low.”

“Sad because I think Tarkanian sounds like he is a more reliable vote in the Senate. Heller is a bit wishy washy, right?”

“We need the seat, Mr. President. And Heller is our best chance. He could beat Tarkanian in the primary, but he has a well-funded Democrat, too, a congresswoman. He could lose the general no matter what. But this primary will all but ensure it, and if Tarkanian wins, kiss that seat goodbye.”

“OK, I get it, Mitch. I’ll call him and say, ‘You’re fired!’”

“No, sir. This needs to be finessed. He’s stubborn and he doesn’t like Heller. He has run for the Senate before and wants to be a senator.”

“So what do we do?”

“I think we get him into the congressional race out there. He ran last time and almost won. He will probably lose again, but if you tell him you will endorse him, he will probably do it.”

“Is there any Republican in that race?”

“There are a few. One of them is a good guy, a state senator who I really like. Then there is a conservative former legislator and a former TV reporter who is fighting f—e news.”

“Wait, that reporter sounds like my kind of candidate.”

“Maybe, Mr. President. But she is a long shot.”

“That’s what they said about me, Mitch! Have I shown you my map of all the counties I won?”

“Only about 100 times, sir. We probably can’t take the seat. The Democrats have a strong candidate who can self-fund. But we need to get Tarkanian in there.”

“If we can’t win it, how can we persuade him.”

“I’m told he’s an easy mark, sir.”

“Tark the Mark! That one is all mine, Mitch. OK, I’ll call him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mr. President.”

“Why not?”

“Let’s game it out. What if he says no? Then he will announce he is so strong he defied the president. That’s actually the kind of thing primary voters might like.”

“Nobody says no to Trump, Mitch. But just in case, what do you suggest?”

“Have someone else call him, someone he will know is speaking for you.”

“Good idea! I’ll have Parscale do it, then tweet something about it after the fact to make it look like I think Tarkanian is a good guy and that – what’s his name? – is a great senator.”

“Perfect, sir. I knew you’d come up with the perfect idea.”

“It’s a gift, Mitch.”

Jon Ralston is the editor of The Nevada Independent. He has been covering Nevada politics for more than 30 years. Contact him at [email protected]. On Twitter: @ralstonreports